Another paragraph from the vault.
Dread goes with bad things, anticipation with good. We’ve learned that the good things we’re waiting for will be somewhat duller once we’ve gotten them. If we’re smart, we’ll be satisfied by the waiting, our anticipation shaping midnight grins as we lie sleepless in bed, looking ahead. But I’m still usually amazed at how shiny they are when they’re in my hands. Good things are best once they’ve happened, when they’ve become facts I don’t miss, like lost money or lost time. What we think is good about anticipation is an optical illusion, a trick of perception. Anticipation is dread. We aren’t hoping the good thing will arrive on time or sooner. We’re afraid we may end up with nothing at all.
And another.
“But last night I was thinking about Angie and I was going to hold back on his money and give her a little. I’d tell him we got less. Oh,” he snapped his beaten brief case open and fingered through the fish tickets and papers, licenses and yellowed permit copies. He passed a sharp check over.
1500 dollars. Lefty had never held a check so big. He was afraid to fold it.
“Not too bad, eh? We got a dollar eighty-four. Could have been more but Jake’s always picking blanks.”
“Blanks.”
“And those fat spermy ones, too. He can’t wait to get off the bottom so he picks whatever’s there until his bag’s full. Beer?”
Pete got up and went to the to icechest out on deck and fished through the melted ice and returned with two wet bottles which he opened with the flat end of the wide gutting knife. The caps plopped to the floor.
“So you gave her some money?”
“That’s the thing. I was going to, I had it all worked out. To be willing to be around him… Maybe she could hold some of his money for him, like a bank. But I couldn’t do it. It felt like stealing, even though it was for his own good.”
“That’s a tough one.”
“Yeah, and anyway who the hell is she? You’ve haven’t been around enough, but she’s always caught up with somebody like him. The first couple of times and then a woman should get the picture. Not her.”
“Then she’s earned a little of his money.”
“That’s up to him.”
“How’d he look? When he was here with Tom he looked pretty good. Maybe he’s trying out a new trick.”
Pete sat up straight in the captain’s chair at the wheel and leaned out into the room, hands clasped over his thin knees. “Right,” he said. “And Tom didn’t look too happy, either, but that’s hard to say. He gave her the check anyway. I don’t think she let’s him drink.”
“Maybe it’s what he needs.”
“We’ll see how long it goes. Tomorrow it’s dinner at the sister’s. Angela’s boys’ll be there, too.”
“She moves fast.”
“I don’t think he’s going to make it.”
Both of those are from the ‘Cut and Save’ folder. I still think both needed to be cut, but the next time I’m looking through that folder I anticipate that I’ll be moving the first to the ‘Trash’ folder.